I have been seeing my nurse for a while now and i have learnt from her that i have bad emotional problems which means in the past i have pushed people away who have tried to help because i didn’t believe anyone would want to help me and in the past i have opened up to someone but i got so desperate for love that they ended up hating me. Then i hit rock bottom and had a breakdown and accept that i couldn’t do this on my own and went back to the nurse. For 3 weeks i have been seeing her weekly and she has been doing basic therapy with me which isn’t her job. This week she told me that she could no longer help me with the therapy but would still see me weekly and deal with the anxiety instead. I am feeling gutted, i don’t understand what i did wrong? Maybe i opened up too much but she asked me to and that was part of the work we were doing. 3 weeks ago when i first started seeing her i was so positive about things which is the first time this year and i could see and wanted myself to get better. I knew she wouldn’t be around forever but i thought she would of stayed around a bit longer than this. I really don’t know what to think. Last night i started getting nightmares because of what happened last time i opened up to someone and this feels like the same. With the other person i knew what i did wrong and i was sorry but at the end of the day i just wanted them to care for me and help me. I feel like giving up now, i have been suicidal in he past and i don’t want to go back to the place in my life, i thought i was getting over it but she has just proved that i shouldn’t open up as people end up hating me. I don’t have family i can talk to and my friends don’t understand what i am going through so i don’t talk to them either.
