I need help! I became a Christian when I was a little boy. I have always tried to lead a life for Christ, and be a good example to others. I dated a girl, the love of my life for almost 6 years on and off. On and off, because we would often mess up physically. We never had sex, but always felt so guilty for what we did do that it would make each of us if we should be together.
I finally gave her up after 6 years and pledged to live life correctly and Godly. I decided I’d rather be single than be in that sinful relationship. A couple months later, I met a girl who just knocked me off my feet. A couple months after we started dating, we were engaged. She was a very excitable person and totally got me all excited to get married. I went along with it. I was very excited at the time, but still am the kind of person that can get swayed easily. I also know that it takes two. Anyways, we made a very strong effort to not have a physical relationship before marriage and seemed to do it right.
We were married in August ‘08, and by January I began to have major major anxiety attacks because this girl turned out to not be all she was cracked up to be. She gets extremely angry with me and holds on to me securely every moment of the day. She doesn’t like me seeing my friends and family because she’s afraid I’ll have more fun with them than I will with her. She was sexually abused by her father when she was young, hence the security issues. We weren’t able to have sex for 3 months when our marriage began.
Well because of her anger and her sexual issues, I found myself escaping to thoughts of my ex-girlfriend. It’s been four months, and I can’t help but think about anything except my ex-girlfriend. I have dreams and nightmares nightly telling me that I’m supposed to be with this other girl and that I made a horrible decision getting married.
These constant possessive thoughts have lead me to not treat my wife well. I haven’t been abusive or anything, but I just am so consumed that I can’t even talk to her. She left me a month ago. She doesn’t believe in divorce and nor do I, so we are getting counseling and are trying to reconcile all of this. The problem is, I still can’t get rid of the thoughts of this girl. She’s always in my dreams telling me I made a mistake and that she’s waiting for me (she is yet to begin dating someone else).
As a Christian, I know I am bound to the law that God has given us believers to live by. I also take very seriously the vows that I made. However, I can’t get past this girl in my head or my heart. I have taken this to God without much avail. Would the Lord forgive me if I let my wife go for health/mental reasons? Or even if I can’t sleep or get past this am I bound forever?
