I am pregnant and my husband is mean to me for no reason. He is very fake & only nice when others are around.
I am 7 months pregnant and my husband is so mean to me that it is giving me anxiety attacks. My husband treats me like garbage and I don’t understand why. I take care of him, keep a clean house, have a degree, am about to have a baby boy which he has always wanted, and have been told I am very attractive. I love him with all my heart, tell him that every day, but have thought about leaving because it has gotten so bad.
This is my husband’s third marriage, and I understand why! Both of his marriages were short lived (less than 3 years), and he is barely 40 years old! I have thought about leaving but financially do not have the money to leave; my teacher’s pay is not enough to cover a single person’s basic expenses (rent, food, gas, utilities). I want to work this out. I have told my husband I was going to leave before, but he blocks the door so I can’t. I have had three miscarriages and an ovarian tumor within the last year and do not want anything to happen to our little boy.
I have asked him to go to counseling, but he refuses. He has been in the military for many years and thinks counseling is "bull sh**." We have only been married a year. He yells at me, puts me down for the way I look (and this was also before I was pregnant), and barely tells me that he loves me. He forced me to live in a house he had from a previous marriage and did not allow me to put it on the market until 7 months into our marriage. It still hasn’t sold (nationwide mortgage crisis), and he is actually mad at me because it hasn’t sold yet. (And the house was never mine to begin with!!! It was another woman’s!)
Any advice? Have any military wives (or civilian wives) went through this?
I have no family and no one I can stay with. My husband knows this, which is why he always says, "Where are you going to go?…"
Men can also weigh in on this issue too. Thank you all for your support.
Tagged with: 3 years • 7 months • anxiety • baby boy • clean house • counseling • garbage • gas utilities • heart • marriage • military wives • miscarriages • money • nationwide mortgage • ovarian tumor
Filed under: anxiety attacks causes
I am sorry to hear what you are going through right now. At a time that should be the happiest for both of you, it sounds like it is just the opposite.
Your husband sounds like someone who is a little immature and unappreciative of you. I suggest that you sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about your feelings. I would not try to leave, but instead tell him that you intend on doing just that if he does not agree to some sort of counseling. The question to ask yourself in all of this and perhaps to even as your husband is if it is fair to your son to grow up in a family where it is okay for someone you love to be mean to you. Do you want your son to grow up to learn that it is okay for a man to be mean to his wife? Do you want your husband to be mean to your son?
Bottom line is that he needs help and unless you tell him exactly how you feel and what your intentions are, he may never get it and your marriage will be doomed. Life is too short to be miserable. This is a time in your life that should be joyous, not anxious. Take time for yourself, be honest with him and follow through with leaving him if you have to do it. Financially, it will stink but in the end, it may be what you have to do to secure you and your sons future.
I speak from experience….I had 2 kids with a man who was meaner than mean. They are now 18 and 14 and I don’t regret my decision ever. In the end, after our divorce, I found a man who I love and who loves me and the kids as if they are his own. I hope for you and your husbands sake that this is the wake up call he needs. God Bless You!
if he is mean to you then you need to leave…. think of your sons future… you can go to dss and they will help you go to a shelter do what ever you have to do just get out…… you can also try counseling to see if that will help
Leave when he’s not there? Go and get help from your parents. If you don’t get out now it may be too late later!
Wait till the baby is born then you can carve him up and blame it on post natal depression,then you and the boy will be rid of this jerk.
Get out! He’s a freak and you deserve better. Don’t tell him you’re leaving. Leave when he’s not home. These are danger signs and you need to pay attention. You will be fine financially. After he is ordered to pay the child support and maintenance, you will make it. Do you want your son to grow up in a house where his father treats his mother like that? It will be scary for him AND eventually he may even think it’s normal and treat his own wife like that someday. He doesn’t deserve you or that precious baby. LEAVE!
Well he has no respect for you and the baby that you two are about to bring into this world. I would say leave, it is not going to get better and if you have had that much going on he should be there supporting you so that you do not have problems with this one. I would say he does not love you or he is very angry at the world.
Do you have family that can take you and the up coming little one in? Cause if you do then go! You can’t live like that. Living your life hoping and praying for company so your husband will treat you nice! No way..get away from him. leave when he’s not home. Maybe just seperate for alittle while untill he learns to treat you with respect.
I know leaving is hard but sounds like it’s best. He will influence your son and pass bad traits on. Then you will have him and your own son treating you like this. Please for the sake of you sanity and little unborn boy make the right decision and go. Don’t subject you son to this, he doesn’t have a choice to leave, he depends on you to decide what’s right for him.
i see red flags all over this question.if this fool is in the army i would go talk to his commanding officer and get things straight with the money and get away from him before you get hurt.
Based on what you said, you should not be in a relationship with this man. There are many ways to get out of it and leave if you really wanted to. I’m guessing he goes to work on occasion, right? Well, he aint there to block the door, so leave.
You will figure something out as far as your living situation, but staying with someone who is abusive to you (verbally, at least), is not healthy and you should not do it, period. You can work out the details on the child after you leave and he will be forced to help with child support. Don’t say you can’t leave – that is just an excuse for co-dependency or other issues.
Wow! Well I can relate to some of what you said, my ex was extremely mean to me. He would just be an ass for no reason. Well he was manic depresssive. Has your husband ever been diagnosed with any mental health issues. Did he go to Iraq, because a lot of men in the military have some issues from over there. What I will say is that no one can make you unhappy unless you allow them to. As far as you not being able to make it on your own, that is no reason to stay in a toxic relationship. I know, my ex made hundreds of thousands of dollars and now I make less than 30. I have three children to take care of and you know what? You do what needs to be done because you are a mother. You find the courage and strength and you do it. If you want your baby to be safe then you are the one that needs to provide that enviornment. If you think that it can be worked out then by all means try, but remember it takes two people to make a relationship work. If he isn’t willing then you have a decision to make. Three marriages!! That is a warning sign right there. But we are always thinking that it will be different with us. It won’t be different until he realizes that he has to change. Good Luck!
Dear 7 months pregnant,
You answered your own question. You do want to leave. Normally, I would say work it out but not this time. He has demonstrated to you, that he doesn’t care. His behavior is not a normal response.
Identifying the problem is easy in a situation like this one. The hard part is doing something about it. They do have services out there to help you. It may be temporary but you have a lot at stake. Stressful to leave, hell yes. Rewarding after, yes.
Be careful of him, he sounds like he could do more than just block the door. Go stay with family and friends and work on finding a place for yourself. Don’t tell him where your going or that you are going until you leave. Letter’s are good. If he would like to talk about it after, do it with friends around, not alone (you would be looking for trouble).
Your future with him doesn’t sound good. But, it’s your choice just accept all the what-ifs, and if that’s the way you want to live and your child, then accept that it’s going to be a rough road. Emotional abuse is not limited to just you, it can be directed at your child.
I don’t care if he is in the Military, it looks to me that he doesn’t respect you at all. I don’t see a reason for you to keep being married to him. Can you get help from your parents? At least for you to move with them until you can get on your feet. This man has all the signs of an abusive husband, and that’s not going to change, if anything it is going to get worst. I know it is hard for you being pregnant and all, but my main concern here is your well being and your baby’s. Get help while you can. Your parents, brother, sister or a friend, but don’t stay with him just because you can’t affort to be on your own.
i think that he has a problem and that he should be seeking help for that.
if he dosn’t want help then there isn’t anything that you can do for him he has to want to change 1st
best of luck
This is a very sad situation and honestly if I were in your situtation I would leave him in the first opportunity I have.Write him a long letter telling him what you have been going through lately and that you are tired of him and you are better off with your child.It will be hard but it is the healthiest thing to do for you and your baby.Having a baby is no easy,even in a happy marriage you develop baby blues and I have read that in a complicated marriage the blues can last longer and can even become a postpartum depression which can be dangerous for your baby and yourself.If you don’t have your parents or any close relatives with you,talk with some of your teacher friends and if any of them lives by themselves or still with their parents offer to rent an apartment or something together.Otherwise,if you wait till the baby is born it will be 10 times harder for you to even make any desicions.Good luck and God bless
Please do NOT stay with him for the kids… you have to do what is best for you and what makes you happy. You can not and should not sit around being mistreated. If you are scared of him leave when he is not home and you may have to lower your standards and look into an apartment instead of a house or you can just wait a little bit before you leave so when you have the baby you’ll still be under his insurance meanwhile put yourself on a budget save a little money before you leave and put his ass on child support, you can make it! Just do your research while waiting. Plan where you are going to go. How your going to move the cost of everything and when you can do it. Remember you can do bad by yourself you don’t need anybody putting you down or making you feel bad. Best of Luck!
Oh Sweetie…You really need to get away from him. Noone deserves this and you sound so sweet I seriously doubt you deserve this. You have to wait until the baby is born and safe then just go…you CAN do it trust me. My husband left me when I wouldn’t abort our fourth child (because he didn’t want anymore kids) and I felt like I would never make it, but you do. There are alot of resources out there for single mom’s, take advantage of them.
Try to realize the problem lies in him not you, three marriages isn’t a good record. You can do this, you can and you will be so much happier a year from now. Enjoy that baby and remember you are never truly alone….kkertz@yahoo.com email me if you need to talk, I can honestly say I have been there and I understand your fear.